conservative party ads.

so c-grit did a good job reviewing them, but i have to add a few things as an occasional film student and shit disturber.  ok, so this has more to do with shit disturbing and having a good laugh at the expense of some crappy political ads:

1. the one about "new canadians" - why does rahim jaffer remind me of randy from trailer park boys?  hes more attractive than randy.  hes wearing a shirt and hes not toting a cheeseburger.  i think what is happening here is that harper is employing jim laheys intonation and his rant style, while jaffer is piping in with the randyesque "that's right" ... bev oda, despite being a person of colour, is not an immigrant, unless thunder bay is actually not part of canada.  id stick up for immigrants' rights despite being born in canada and i dont think it would make me less canadian, but ive heard people of colour get pissed off that people deem them immigrants sooner than theyd assume white people would be immigrants. 

2. the one about "healthcare" - rona ambrose and peter mackay are demonstrating the hotness of conservatives.  the only problem is that peter mackay isnt hot.  at all.  women canadian political junkies are really fucking pathetic since he is often the only heartthrob they can come up with.  rahim jaffer is way hotter than this dork, but hes brown so he had to be in the new canadians bit.   i dont know if i can sit through more of these.  youd think mp's would be better actors than this.  qp isnt even this contrived.

3. the one about "childcare" - look canadians, my caucus must be hot and young, cos im pimpin some young babes here, and they agree women want choice in childcare, and.. uh..  LOOK AT THOSE KIDS, THEYRE MAKING MACARONI AND PAPER PLATE MARACAS FER FRIG'S SAKE, AND YOU LIBERAL ANIMALS WANT TO SADDLE THEM WITH THE DEBT?!  i dunno.  why is he with only women in the ad?  because kids come out of vaginas?  kids have fathers, eh.  also, why does rona ambrose reference this as a "women's" issue?  i can appreciate that single mothers have a hard time with childcare, but single fathers also exist.  dont BOTH parents care about childcare?  oh, well, harper is holding up the fort for men... but he brings women up, too.  heh.

4. the one about "taxes" - prentice and whats-her-face are the most convincing actors the tories have, it seems.  maybe they should have used more old people in their campaign.

Comments

[Anonalogue]

Still disappointed to see no boobies here, but positively thrilled to see what I assume to be a Young Vancouver Chick not spaz out about The PaleoNeoGeoTheoCon Agenda at the mere utterance of anything remotely Conservative.

[MWW]

Awful... Awful... Awful ads.

It's phoney as hell. It looks like they are just one step removed from reading off of a teleprompter.

Is this REALLY the best they can do? God help them.

[Anonalogue]

"MWW" (if that is your real name, Edward T. Bear), I'm actually feeling a little cocky (<---notice unabashedly phallocentric heteronormative language) after seeing those ads. They are near-American quality, I'm quite shocked!

How does "Minister of Indian Affairs and Northern Development and Federal Interlocutor for Métis and Non-Status Indians The Honourable Cheryl Gallant, P.C." work for you?

[ainge]

cheryl gallant is qualified to be minister of looking like a poodle... and not much else. you dont have to be a scaaary neeeeeooooocooooonnn to appreciate that.

[Anonalogue]

What problem do you have with this CV:

"Cheryl Gallant attended the University of Western Ontario, successfully graduating with her Bachelor of Science in Chemistry. She did post-degree work in biochemistry, toxicology, pharmacology (I'll bet she knows how to make meth; is that "groovy" enough for you? - Anon.) and environmental chemistry. She also worked at the University of Toronto doing research in biochemistry. Prior to relocating to Pembroke, Ontario Cheryl was a group insurance executive with a major Canadian Life Insurance Company.

As a first term MP, in addition to serving as Deputy House Leader of the Official Opposition, Cheryl served her constituents as a member on a number of standing committees of the House of Commons including National Defence and Veteran Affairs, Industry, Science and Technology, Canadian Heritage and Procedure and House Affairs."

OK, I get it. She is from The Sticks and has The Claw hairdo. Hahaha.

She wants to lower my taxes, protect my free speech, and give me a transit credit thingie; she is my friend.

[MWW]

"How does "Minister of Indian Affairs and Northern Development and Federal Interlocutor for Métis and Non-Status Indians The Honourable Cheryl Gallant, P.C." work for you?"

Not interested. The words "Prime Minister Stephen Harper" will never cross Canadians lips, except in jest, or in the fantasies of CPCers.

Ditto Ms.Gallant as Ministress of Indian Affairs.

Never going to happen.

Come to think of it... aside from the Jobs that his daddy got him out of highschool... has Stephen Harper ever worked for an absolutley private business in a *real job*? Ever?

[ainge]

due to my unfortunate past of being a parliamentary waterboy, i kind of hate a lot of the mp's for their asinine behaviour in the house.

a lot of them have nice cv's. i know a dude who has a nice cv, with a big-name school and a few publications in academic journals. the only thing this qualifies him for is doing a lot of math. one mustnt be sucked into geek-worship.

the only thing i have against the ottawa valley is that you brought us her and hec clouthier. have you no shame? your other export of greasy-haired, beer-gutted 14-year-old skanks at bars in hull i can deal with because theyll always sweetly hold your hair up when your real friends ditch you the second you start puking in the washroom.

[aija]

okay - are they referring to childcare as a "women's issue" because they think they'll win over feminists? last time I checked, any decently educated feminist would not fall for pandering like that...besides the fact that if rona's espousing it, i still channel stephen harper's mellifluous voice. just because the party you hate comes out with some statement that sounds good doesn't mean their policy on it isn't going to suck. we know minor tax-cuts or -rebates aren't going to cover the horrendously expensive bloodletting that is daycare these days. and childcare is a family issue - lots of families I know use grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc for childcare...and lots more are stuck with crappy, non-E.C.E. daycares that their children hate because they lack the relatives or finances to buy some. childcare is important in a society where maternal (and paternal) leave is short, and the majority of families can't get by without two incomes. so both parents, then, have a vested interest in having quality, affordable childcare provided for them - not just mothers. unless you're intimating that fathers aren't really important in raising whole, able children. and if you look at steve's kids, you just might be convinced of that (did anyone get a look at the "stephen harper and son" streetcar shots? yeah, that's what i'm talking about.

[ainge]

aija, arent you flattered? they want our cuntzilla feminazi votes!

[Anonalogue]

Yeah, just as I thought; we're stuck with a shitty Liberal government because of hair issues and people who are convinced Paul Martin is a rock star who's going to cure The AIDS in Africa. Great.

[ainge]

believe what you need to, anonalogue. some people just prioritize, out of self-interest, a freedom from social conservatism. gallant's yap is one of the reasons your favourite little party isnt wooing the undecided voter.

its not the mullet. you think id voluntarily move to new mexico for a while if i was vehemently opposed to hick hair?

[Anonalogue]

Shocking Stronach-MacKay Sex Tapes Send CPC Support Skyrocketing
By Globe And Mail Grrrl Reporter Leah Maclaren

Support for the Conservative Party of Canada skyrocketed to levels unseen since the Diefenbaker years as a shocking sex tape purported to contain graphic sexual activity between high profile Members of Parliament Belinda Stronach (Lib. - Aureola) and Peter "North" MacKay (Neo. - Chevy Nova) rapidly spread across the internets.

The seven minute fuckfest depict Ms. Stronach, who is a single mother, and Mr. MacKay frolicking aboard Ms. Stronach's Bermuda-registered yacht. The yacht, christened (is this hate speech necessary, Jesus Freak? - Ed.) "Fuck You, Rev Can!", is rumoured to have been paid for by sugar daddy Frank Stronach, who is documented to have avoided over $200 million in Canadian taxes in the last decade.

One scene reportedly (I don't watch porn; I think the bulge is cute but loose balls and body hair make me and my Toronto Abortion Slut circle of friends gag! Gah!) involves Mr. MaKay steering Ms. Stronach's vessel with his honourable member. Another close up scene of post-coital bliss left one voter impressed: "I thought the Tories were Bushitlers until I saw that Peter MacKay has a better "O" face than Fred Durst." said Brandon Finlayson, 22. "I'm voting Tory this time."

Prominent Conservatives quickly denied rumours that the sex tapes were a last ditch effort to appeal to misguided youth. "I am shocked and outraged that this moment of tenderness between two consenting adults - now available in .WMV, Quicktime, and Real format, and free for download at www.toriesaretehnewhawtness.com - has been viciously co-opted by The Liberals." fumed Jason Kenney. "I am particularly incensced by the money shot which occurs exactly 6:37 into the video - thumbnails available at www.toriesaretehnewhawtness.com\thumbs\ - and urge all young Canadians to use the above links or ed2k://|file|Belinda%20Peter%20Hawt to judge for yourself."

[ainge]

1. hahah leah maclaren, ew

2. waaaah liberal media bias boo hoo poor conservatives

3. the sun chain exists, go read it since the purpose of newspapers is to reinforce your convictions