lotusland - nervous politics from a laid-back city

i've got the internet goin nutz

because im pretty sure none of you are up on your raps, im going to paste a link to the best video about the internet ever made, as well as the lyrics.

Paul Wall - Internet Going Nutz Lyrics [sounds of a keyboard clicking]

Okay, on this computer, gon' see what it do
"Paul, you've got maaaaail"
Let's see what new e-mails I've got
[sample in background:] "I-I-I've got the internet goin nuts"
Hit me on this e-mail, I'ma hit 'em back, see what it do
What they talkin 'bout
Well I got me a couple pictures on this e-mail too
We gon' see what they talkin 'bout mayne, okay

I'm comin straight up outta that chatroom, and live from the message board
I'm at the crib all by myself, chattin online when I'm bored
Oh my Lord, BlackPlanet got all the {hoes} and all the freaks
I'll get your page and send a note, then hit me back when it's time to creep
I'm tryin to reach this girl Monique, her screen name is ChynaDoll
She's light brown with big thighs, and standin five foot seven tall
If she don't call me it's okay, I'll hit up SexyEyez02
Sophomore at TSU, and she run track, that's what it do
I'll send a note to my girl Crystal, she ShootiNStarr99
She uploaded some sexy pictures and oh my God that girl is fine
Wine and dine, but not this time, I pimp the keyboard, I'm online
Talkin fly in the chatroom, my conversation is goin down
Where you from?  Where you at?  Lil' momma sho' talkin nice
I tell her meet me at U of H right by the towers later on tonight
I'm sendin all my girls a kite, I'm tryin to find some internet hype
Just hit me up on my Sidekick, I'm signin off and I'm switchin the site


[Chorus]
"I've got the internet goin nuts" "I-I-I've got the internet goin nuts" [3X]
"P-P-Paul Wall baby, what'chu know 'bout me"
"I'm on that five nine South Lee baby, holla at me"

[Paul Wall]
Okay I signed on to this DallasPeeps, on the hunt for a couple freaks
I'm logged on and I'm ready to chat, where you at let's meet and great
These sexy {hoes} at U and T, I'm sendin e-notes talkin fly
If you lookin for late night love, holla at me girl I'm your guy
I met a girl on CollegeClub, her screen name was Jazzy Brown
She told me when I come to her town, to hit her up and it's goin down
She e-mailed me this old picture before she had her baby boy
I was ready to pay her a visit, she used to look like Ke-Toi
But, one too many Almond Joys, I went and seen this girl in person
But when that big {bitch} opened the door I damn near started cryin and cursin
(Damn) Just too many neck bites and, not enough roadrunner
But big girls need love too, so I beat it up like Royal Rumble
Sheeeit, lil' momma looked like a whale she broke the scale
I told her baby I gotta bail, I won't tell if you won't tell
What the hell, the first minute I got in range of the nearest Dell
I changed my screenname and my number, this internet pimpin still prevails

[Chorus]

[Paul Wall]
So I log on to the Facebook, I'm tryin to find me a good look
I'm lookin for a lil' one night love, I throw the bait and they bite the hook
I holla at that boy Goo, my potnah puttin me up on game
He let me know which girls are freaks and e-mailed me they screennames
I hit 'em up like it ain't no thang, how you do and it's nice to meet'cha
Late night a few e-mails later I'm knockin senorita out her sneakers
Check me out on my own website, DJPaulWall.com
Hit me up on that home board and we can chat baby all night long
What's the scoop you goin to school?  Maybe pimpin that 9 to 5?
Download my computer love, and get a taste of my hard drive
I'm on the search for cybersluts, lookin at pics on in the mix
Tryin to find a computer check with a webcam that'll make a flick
Hit me up on that AOL, Instant Messenger what it do
My DSL is fast as lightning on the hunt for this mooshu
You got some potnahs that's just like you?  Call your crew and I'll call mine too
Just take a look at my hit count, this internet pimpin thang ain't new

tarja halonen music video

courtesy of finland, another country that had a january 06 election, comes this saucy endorsement.  now this is a form of campaigning canadians ought to pursue.  its a real apathy-crusher, im sure.  score one for democracy.

ministers susanna huovinen and tarja filatov; parliament members miapetra kumpula, heli paasio, susanna rahkonen, säde tahvanainen, satu taiveaho, jutta urpilainen, pia viitanen and jouni backman comprise a musical group they call "nine for 9 and jouni."   finnish is a great language for rap.

can you picture any of our mps being any good at this?  who is the best at leading the wednesday morning national anthem?  frankly, i dont really believe anyone we have in the house could step to this.

(whoever has the braids at 1:04 in the video is biting ukranian julia timoshenko's style)

we also like the remix, artistically.

for all those people who just found out about prussian blue on nealenews because they dont listen to nazi music or read vice mag:

why dont you obsess over jewdriver instead?  they are awesome.  manischevitz is a kickass song.

for my views on prussian blue, check the comments at this thread.

time magazine kanye west article - quote de wtf

this field guide to kanye west for parents (er, i mean, biographical article) contained an interesting argument:

statistics consistently show that 70% of hip-hop is consumed by young white audiences, but a century of anecdotal evidence is similarily irrefutable:  white kids think it's cool to be black, which means the other 30% sets the trends and runs the show.  with the market mired in thuggery, african-american consumers could choose to:  a) propagate a nasty stereotype of themselves for white kids to pin their libidinous fantasies on; b) not care; c) start patronizing the danger-free, supernice, superboring rappers at the liberal humanist fringe; or d) give up
-29/08/05 issue of time

why is the exhortation restricted to that 30% of the market?  why isnt 100% of the market held responsible for the state of rap?  why cant white fans assume responsibility for their own fetishism of the 'blackness' their majority participation in the market helped propagate?  does money not talk?

gogol bordello - new song available for download

you have to ignore the gaggle of vapid new york hipsters hanging off their arms. really.  just enjoy yourself.  this is fun music.

an open letter to warren kinsella about how matt good is a d'bag

mr kinsella, with all due respect .... you, erm, linked matthew freakin good??!?!!? the sequence of punctuation ive employed has been strategically picked to suggest incredulous, dropped jaw shock. matt good is a boring old fart, you know.  he performed at ubc's arts county fair, that perennial last-ditch chance for boring white acoustic guitar ballad strumming college rock fans to drunkenly seduce (or failing that, suppress all they learned in womens studies and just grope) their classmates as their favourite gangly bards play painfully meaningful songs about how everything is just so meaningless, man.   

but hey, thats cool, like i said, its not detracting from your coolness.  maybe you can tell matt good that whining all over the radios and internets about getting things thrown at him during a gig where beer was less than $3 and consequently flowing as fast as the testosterone is a bit stupid.  when i mentioned this to him, he rolled out his usual dismissive, haughty rant about how the simian behaviour of the crowd says something about the state of higher education.  apparently, this one-time aggro courtesy of a bunch of drunk pseudo-indie rock fans constitutes the empirical evidence for his very respectable conclusions on the state of university studies in canada.

gen x d'bags like him make me wish i was born in 1955 or something.  id rather have given birth to those depressing whiners than have them as my older siblings/pop culture icons.  maybe then i could enjoy my 20s in a time where energy, including senseless aggression, and music were symbiotic.  screw this emo crap.

-a

leaked practice video!

i had the privilege of meeting unitarian jihad, the masterminds behind this.  at a festive gathering in burnaby heights, they announced they had become a naked meme.   it is really strange meeting a naked meme in person.

ludacris vs bill o'reilly

i was driving around with my sister, talking about pimpin her ride (a red honda civic) and she was playing this luda joint that is probably old... but im a geek so i've never heard it until now:

Already offers on my 6th album from labels tryin to sign me
Respected highly, HIIII MR. O'REILLY
Hope all is well, kiss the plantiff and the wifey

so, in conclusion, number one spot by ludacris is dope.

mellow studying music

it's crap cos it's free, innit?  or is that the other way around?  at any rate, this is likely my 4th crappy computer-made ditty. 

download discordant crap (3912.4K)

emo kids suck more

in his accessmag article, mr kinsella says: "Here's the real dope: when you're a junkie, you're sick. When you're a "journalist" romanticizing a junkie's downward spiral, you're even sicker" 

we cant just blame the so-called journalists for this sort of thing.  people have been wanting to see stars fail since the dawn of time, or at least the dawn of entertainment tonight.  its systemic and it comes from both the producers and the consumers of that bullshit.  this is one of the few instances where i will not take the gramscian route and stick the blame entirely on the producers.  or maybe i will go gramsci and say that the producers have so successfully engendered a climate of rivalry that emotions have become perverted to the point where people delight in seeing those who have won at capitalism fail brutally.  also, theres the issue of escapism that always comes up when people fetishize the rock star lifestyle.  yes, we suck as a society for being fixated on this sort of thing.

maybe this article would have spoken to me more if elliot smith was discussed at length.  it disgusts me to see emo kids parading his emotional and mental health issues as some kind of badge of emo cred. 

yeah, like i said, we are kind of weird for thinking being all punk rawk legitimizes addiction... but ive never seen anyone really speak of that libertines guy in as wistful tones as emo kids discussing how elliots smith suicide was the most beautiful and tragic of any because of the way he killed himself.  yes, they love him for the mechanics of his suicide, not a 'live fast die young' chronic partying/drug abuse thing.

yes, this is a cheap attempt to slag emo

who here thinks sum 41 are morons?

according to a friend of mine who watched the one world tsunami benefit on ctv, the dude from sum 41 used  "who here thinks george w. bush is a moron?" in order to get the crowd cheering, demonstrating  theyre such poser punks they get their material from carolyn parrish.  ok, so they were on rock against bush.  but still.

i dunno, it's different when the barenaked ladies say something political cos at least they logged as many campaign hours as any upstanding party volunteer.

nina hagen and design woes

nina hagen live was something else.  unfortunately, some old dudes like to get disgustingly drunk and pick a lot of fights at concerts, which almost killed the vibe during a particularly feminist song.  i can't say every single one of her onstage rants resonated with me, but it was nice to finally see her in the flesh after all these years.  my! gay! husband! opened, and despite the stupid abuse of punctuation in their name, they were quite good as well, if you like the abrasive synths + yelling approach to music.

you might have noticed the design of this pithy web-polemic change 10 or so times in the past day.  im really quite sick of my layout and i do not have sufficient html/css skills to put what id like onto a screen.  as a result, i will be tinkering with this until the end of time.

some televangelist is screaming about snoop dogg and the internet being the root of all evil.  see what you people miss by *not* being awake at 4:33 ...

warren kinsella vs paul wells

who is cooler?  let lotusland decide.

kinsella: U2 are boring old farts, and so is Wells for liking them

hmm.  true.  whats wells doing saying nice things about that martinite bono, anyway?

wells: And I don't care how lame it is to like the popular band. If the popular band is this great, bogus rebel stance just gets in the way.

actually, it's lamer to like the lame band.   so let's say it's a tie:  wells like u2, but kinsella likes kings of leon.  they, along with the rest of you, ought to download some gogol bordello and novy svet. 

then again, i really love 'what is love' by haddaway... im not kidding.  something about that song makes me want to listen to it on repeat - subliminal message? a consequence of my eurotrash roots?  i like to throw it on the cd player when i miss woodbridge, gay bars, and other such excellent places to spend a gossip-and-drama-laden saturday night. 

music makes the bourgeoisie and the rebel

go madonna.

during one of my spastic bouts of electioneering, i passed over this choice kernel of evidence that all the party leaders are indeed lame.

let's see this. ok. nobody picked any french songs and nobody picked any celtic music. an enthusiastic v-sign to anyone who thinks u2 can be classified as such. canada picked harper as the guy with the illest tunes. lotusland would have picked harris, but ultimately gives the tight jamz awards to andrew coyne and warren kinsella.

jim harris, green.
1. Rascalz - "Top of the world"
2. Joni Mitchell - "Big Yellow Taxi"
3. BTO - "Taking Care of Business"
4. U2 - "Elevation"
5. Black Eyed Peas - "Where is the love"

the rascalz are dope. with lyrics like "money making flows, pesos from mexico
to european ends and yens from tokyo" that song may suggest something about his trade policy. harris balances this rampant capitalism out with that song by the black eyed peas that rails on about social justice. the green party is the only one that cares about canadian urban music. word.

stephen harper, conservative.
1. ACDC - "Thunderstruck"
2. The Beatles - "I wanna hold your hand"
3. Johnny Cash - "Folsom Prison Blues"
4. Original Cast of Cats - "Mungojerrie And Rumpelteazer" (A favourite of Mr. Harper's children)
5. Duke Ellington & His Orchestra - "It Don’t Mean A Thing (If It Ain’t Got That Swing)"

tried, tested hits. could this man be any more conservative? as usual, he wasnt thinking about eastern canada, neglecting to put even one natalie mcmaster or stan rogers song on his list.

jack layton, dipper.
1. Barenaked Ladies – "If I had a Million Dollars"
2. Barenaked Ladies - "Lovers in a Dangerous Time"
3. Joan Baez - "Blowin' in the Wind"
4. Buena Vista Social Club - Soundtrack
5. Barlow - "Married by Elvis"

if you help out on the campaign, jack layton will put your songs on his top 5 favourites. good call on buena vista social club, but pity he didn't commit to a specific jam. a folk song and a ballad about same sex marriage round out his selection. dude reminds me of my ndp friends.

paul martin, liberals
1. U2 - "Beautiful Day"
2. BTO - "Taking Care of Business"
3. Nana Mouskouri - "Moondance"
4. Simon and Garfunkel - "Bridge Over Troubled Water"
5. Diana Krall - "A Case of You" (Joni Mitchell cover)

ever courting british columbia, pmpm is repping with his diana krall track. again with the bloody bto - why? this playlist, like the liberal party, accomodates a vast array of tastes and sets the stage for much bickering over control of the jukebox.

now, as i said before, the winners of this were warren kinsella and andrew coyne. why?

the warren, as aija faye christened him, has awesome taste according to his top 10 of all time, and fails to offend my sensibilities until he mentions kings of leon on his rankings of recent albums. mentioning division of lauralee surely compensates. he's writing a book about punk rock and he just interviewed gene simmons. he was in a punk outfit called 'the hot nasties' but as people my age say, he was in a band that narduar covered. street cred.

i wonder what he was listening to while he wrote his latest on proportional representation. yes, andrew coyne's expansive playlists give him more chances to prove his coolness. sure, that's unfair, but tell me he's not dead on with blur, the flaming lips, neutral milk hotel, my bloody valentine, pulp (common people, of course), stereolab, supergrass ... read it yourself. i wonder what puts him in the mood for this list. his rap repertoire is a bit lacking, but dude's pretty white, so it's all good. at least he displays an enthusiasm for old school.

and here i thought the extent of music appreciation by political columnists was that classical stuff they play on cpac while they're waiting for the mp's to come in for a vote, with random chatter and steady vote bell piercing through.

just to make this post uber long, my song meme (in no real order)

15. push downstairs by underworld
14. mouthfull by themselves
13. violin solo by aphex twin
12. too many dj's by soulwax
11. do u by do or die, f/twista and johnny p
10. this monkeys gone to heaven by the pixies
9. grow up and blow away by metric
8. mary by supergrass
7. ein tag am meer by die fantastischen vier
6. slow walking by the avalanches
5. heroes by david bowie, brian eno/philip glass remix thing
4. out the game by kanye west
3. work it! (man with a video camera) by the cinematic orchestra
2. to the end by blur
1. promenade 1 from pictures at an exhibition by modest mussorgsky

yes. this is loafing about vancouver music.